The Secret

The past is the past.
Yet,
It haunts us so.
We study it,
Because for some reason
We still make the same mistakes.
But your own past?
That,
Can eat you alive.
Make you lose sleep.
Or even,
Make you lose your head.
Maybe even your life.
Your choices condemn you,
Whether or not you've learned
Right from wrong all these years ago.
That is all people judge you by.
So you say the past is the past.
But the past decides your future,
No matter what you do to make it up.
It comes back.
Full circle,
Just to take you out.
So how do you make up for past sins?
I haven't found the answer.
So when you know it,
Let me in on your secret.

Smoldering

How do you change
Your perspective on yourself?
Day in and day out,
Trying to feel better
About who you are.
But everyday you look
And see the same.
Nothing has changed,
Except those around you.
So you give up,
Trying not the think.
Still it all remains.
Those feelings inside,
Tearing you down,
Ripping apart what's inside.
So you give up knowing
There's nothing else that can be done.
Yet it all remains,
Smoldering inside.

Her

She enters the room,
And the world stops turning.
Yet,
No one seems to notice.
It's in Her smell,
The way She walks and talks.
Yet you know you can't have Her.
Settling for a "Hello" and a "Goodbye"
You watch Her leave.
Watch Her leave Her imprint upon your mind,
Your heart.
Just like that She's gone,
But She remains behind in your dreams.
Never leaving you alone,
Without ever being around.
She's always around.
And so you dream.

Before the Storm

No wind blew.
However, the sky above
Showed an approaching storm.
Dark gray clouds
Rolling over on another,
Cascading
Waves on the beach.
Racing each other
To their final destination.
Boiling up higher and taller,
Building
A sky scraper of terror.
Lightning flashes within its depths,
Highlighting its face from within,
And thunder booms.
Back on earth.
No birds sing,
No crickets chirp.
Everything hides.
Even the breeze
Dared not breath.
The calm
Before the Storm.

My Room

Open the door. There can't be anything there behind it. No, it's not possible. I'm home alone. Yet I hear them devouring each other, crawling over one another, howling for me to become one with them. To join their ranks. They've no one set form. They are just how you want them to be. Grab the handle damn it! It's the only way to be rid of them for an hour at least. I feel their eyeless sockets on the door. They know I am there. Quieter than before they wait and creep around toward me. It's now or never, I must act quick and reach the switch before they reach me. Fingers wrapped tight around the handle, knuckles white drained of blood. Just throw open the door, you can do it. I feel them pawing the handle with their grafted, gnarled hands. Heart beating so loud I know they can hear it, licking their gray lips with dried tongues. Jaws opening as if broken before. Jagged teeth dripping form the feast of their own they'd had a minute ago. Take a deep breath. I jerk open the door. Banshees howling, they are at the steps climbing up. Raking the floor with yellowed nails, jaws gaping up at me. Come on, hit the switch. Throw my hand out but it doesn't feel like mine. I find the switch and turn the lights on. Nothing. For now. So I take an unsure step. And start down the stairs. On my way. To my death. To my room.

My Heroine

I put my pen to the paper

And I feel...

It's so strong,

My heroine.

And I keep writing,

As my words flow

Faster and faster.

Flying from my mind

To the paper.

Emotions flood,

Taking control,

Pulsing through my veins.

Unable to get enough,

Addicted to a drug

That has no name,

No form.

It's not even a drug,

But I'm hooked.

And then I stop.

My hand quits gliding across the page.

I put down my pen,

And think.

How about another?

Backing Away

Those things in life...
Things we cannot have
But want with a passion,
So fierce it's condemning.
When right next to you,
You think all you would have to do
Is reach out and make a move.
But then as your about to do so
You stop.
Knowing that won't work.
So you pull back,
Afraid you've been seen,
Yet also wishing you were.
So that she might know,
And maybe think about you once.
Or twice.
Backing away
All you think,
Is why didn't I?
I should have.
So you go on,
Trying to let it go.
But never able to.
Living your life
Day to day,
Letting it gnaw you away.

Seconds at a Time

I sat down one day
And talked to Death.
Stared it right in the eyes,
Told me it was my time.
All I could say was
Give me 8 more seconds,
I need another turn in this rodeo.
Looking back with understanding
It sat there debating on what to do.
As I thought of what I haven't done,
Should have done.
For what seemed an eternity
The sands of time flowed.
Then, I don't know why,
Death stood up,
Motioned me forward
And stayed back in the shadows.
As I walk along today
I feel Death's grip on my shoulder.
A strong and steady hand,
A father helping his son walk for the first time.
Telling me I've been lucky.
But now we understand each other,
Almost an agreement.
I still talk to it now and then
My answer is still the same,
So we walk along my way,
Taking life 8 seconds at a time.

Quick, Silent, Deadly

If this is death,
Lurking next to me.
Just come out
And take me quick.
Please,
I don't want to feel a thing.
Do so before,
I have time to think
And regret my life.
Before I can say,
I haven't lived yet.
Or think of the one I love,
And ask for more time.
Take your ghostly scythe,
And swing it through me
Before I see it coming.
Slice my soul away.
And like a bolt of lightning,
From Zeus himself,
Strike me down.
Just take me quickly.

Leap of Faith

Take the chance.
Take a shot.
Cause you'll never know
Unless you do.
Don't be afraid,
Take a leap of faith.
Trust,
In yourself
And those close to you.
For if they love you,
They believe in you
And will help you along your way,
Of this broken and twisted trail
We call life.
If you stumble and fall,
Brush yourself off.
And if you want it enough,
Try again.
Because those things that are harder to get
Are more of a reward
Than something settled for.
So don't settle,
Want something more
Than saying I tried.
And reach the unattainable dream.
Live until you can live no more,
Then live some more.

Live

Don't hold it in,
Let it all out.
Live each day as if it's the last.
Be with the ones you love.
And love them, while expecting nothing in return.
If people define you,
Break their definitions.
Go out and take a walk,
It doesn't matter where.
Create a memory
So strong its a picture
With no camera to take it.
Drive out to the country,
Go fishing,
And breath a breath of bliss.
Tangle your line,
And take hours more.
Take her hand,
Hold it tight.
And let her know you're there to stay,
Without saying a word.
Lose your words when you look into her eyes,
Just kiss her instead.
Fall asleep holding each other,
And just know.

Nature's Fury

Sitting on my porch
I light my cigar and watch
As nature takes its toll.
Trees bow down,
A servant to its King.
They stay unpunished
For they know who's in control.
And man begins to find the truth,
As power goes out
And houses tear apart
With a grinding roar,
That they cannot control
This titan they try to bind.
Sparks fly as the chains are broken,
And the fury is unleashed.
Such an awesome sight,
The pure beauty of a storm.
Power in the raw.
A wrath as powerful
As any women's scorn.
A flash of light
And it's day again,
But only for a second.
A picture in real time.
So I pour some scotch
And smoke and watch.